Distracted

Day: 361

Goal: Trying to understand my crazy…

… Could pretty much put anything at the end of that sentence and it would pertain to me. I’m constantly doing something crazy, and not in the cool skydiving, eloping, ear piercing sort of way. I’m bringing this up because tonight was no exception. On Monday nights I teach contemporary at Starlight. I had grand plans for a piece tonight to a song that was brought to my attention by Ben (a co-worker from UCLA)… somehow, everything seems so tangible in my head! The kids MUST think I’m nuts, cause I think tonight I finally cracked. The piece I put together was out of control… and not in the good way (again). I was all over the place using scarves to mimic choking and fighting and pulling and getting all tied up…….. are you feeling like that’s extremely awkward and uncomfortable? IMAGINE HOW MY STUDENTS FEEL?? They must be thinking one of two things: Miss Tiffany is kind of losing her mind, or man, Miss Tiffany really needs to get laid!

Speaking of that, I realize that some of my students are now following my blog. Sorry, but there will be no filter because of that, however I will do my best too mention “earmuffs” before I say something inappropriate.

Prime example: I ran into a friend from high school on my way home from dance tonight while picking up a late night dinner from Chicken Dijon and dripping sweat all over my non-made-up face and tight-dawning body… ugh! Why does that happen to me??!! This is not just “some” friend! Earmuffs: this is a smokin’ hot guy that kind of has the sexiest “everything” I’ve ever seen! He’s just one of those men that have just gotten better with age. He’s smart, established, confident, sooo good looking and, has those kind of eyes that just rip through any shred of hope that you won’t be picturing his naked body the rest of the night….sheeesh!! He’s actually the sweetest person too, so it doesn’t help that he actually started a conversation with me about getting the gang back together again to hang out and stuff…. I was just thinking, “Maybe he can’t see me… Maybe he won’t recognize the fact that I’m so embarrassed to even be in public right now…. Confidence Tiffany!! Try not to fall down!” Ugh! What an idiot. Why is it that some people just have that effect? I’ve known this guy forever… it’s not like a surprise that he’s hot, and nice, and would want to chat for a minute… but for some reason, shit like that just throws me OFF! I just end up looking like an idiot…. And that bugs!

Changing subjects…

So I’ve been thinking about my 30 bucket and how to go about getting started. I think I should make a little calendar and start mapping out some timeframes and deadlines. This part will be easy…. I love lists, and I love getting organized, and I love having plans…. Unfortunately I have a problem with the follow-through. Ugh! I hate that I’m already worried about this. DON’T GET ME WRONG, I’m totally going through with everything on the list as planned, but it’s just a little daunting. I always come through and get things done, but sometimes I don’t let all the planning I’ve done help me in the way it wants too. It’s like I do all the prep work, and plan every detail to the extreme and then sit there and stare at it like it’s the most foreign thing in the world… “What are you trying to tell me little Excel spreadsheet?... Oh clever red reminder on my iPhone, why do you flash so eagerly??”… ridiculous.

Example: Still haven’t done my thank you notes from my birthday. Why? I don’t know. I pulled them out on Sunday night… didn’t do them. Put them in my bag this morning to do them at work, and didn’t. Pulled them out just now and then opted to write my blog instead… a valid initiative for #30 on the 30 Bucket, but not for poor number #9. Poor #9, people thought you would be easy… so did I, but you could prove to be one of the hardest things I will ever do.

“But I can’t think about that right now, I’ll think about it tomorrow” – Scarlett O’Hara