Vacation Part Two and Three

Day: 323

Goal: Make the vacation feeling last

Similar (although not as intense) to the feeling of coming home from camp, coming home from vacation always makes me feel a little renewed. Soul cleansing… check. R&R… check. Over consumption of carbs and alcohols… double check. The problem always becomes how to make these great feeling last once you come home. I want to jump right into life refreshed and willing when I get home, but instead I always find myself just a little bit behind. Like I left half of me on vacation still. Suitcase… half unpacked. Makeup… nah. Work… not-so-much. Mentally I want to be in the right place, but I think I’m still physically lying on a the beach in South Carolina.

Part two of my vacation was so awesome! I absolutely love the new tradition of traveling to our Myrtle Beach condo with my cousins and just being completely worthless! Best. Feeling. Ever. I didn’t bring my computer… big step for me, although I do have an iPhone, so it’s kind of the same… but I was able to feel somewhat released from work and Facebook. We spent everyday at the beach for hours… just soaking up the beautiful sun. I needed the Vitamin D sooo bad! It felt so good to just get completely roasted and sandy and salty and sweat… and just not care at all. And nothing is more therapeutic than building a sand castle. Slightly more physically involved than I remember it being when I was 8, but still mindless and organic in the best way.

One night we went out to a dueling piano bar… so awesome! We had such a blast, and Sarah and Matt definitely got to celebrate their anniversary in a “special” way. We also went back and visited our friend at Margaritaville… sadly he fell in love with a different girl last summer and is not moving to NY. But who knows, maybe we’ll run into him up there someday. We also did a repeat performance at the Myrtle Beach Pelican game. Classic fun as always! The best part was definitely the sweet suite that we got hooked up with again! So much fun to act like high-rollers! All-in-all it was another fantastic trip with the gang. It really has become a tradition that will last for a long time! Good news is, none of us are expecting any rug-rats anytime soon to ruin the fun!

Part three of my vacation was the perfect ending to a great trip! I got to go up and spend a little time with pops. The trip was super short, but great none-the-less. We took in some Yankees (first time at the new stadium) and just enjoyed each others company!

So while I’m glad to be home (because it always feels good to come home from a trip), I can’t seem to get the vacation feeling to last in the right way. I think I’m a little backwards right now… I need to be in the mind at the beach, body working hard mode… sadly not the case right now.

Just want to end with a big huge shout out to all the amazing family that shared my vacation with me!! Love you all sooo much!

Fourth of July (Wah-Wah)

Day: 325

Goal: Reflection Sunday and Happy Fourth of July

Let’s get right to the point people… I know what you’re all thinking about:

(as seen on my 30 Bucket)

19. Participate in July 4^th shenanigans… in a bikini

Ok this could be awkward if I don’t get a jump start on #8 soon! I haven’t gone out for Fourth of July festivities in years because I’m just not confident in my skin. I’m embarrassed to even wear shorts right now and it really sucks because I know how much fun everyone is always having at the beach. Granted, I make fun of the stupid girls who wear red, white, and blue bikinis, ride bikes with flags on the handlebars, and do beer bongs outside of strand parties, but none-the-less, while I’m still in my twenties I’d like to try to have that kind of confidence one more time.

No dice. Close, but no cigar. You win some, you lose some. Not over my dead body…. All apply really. There was just no way that #19 was going to happen. I hope that this doesn’t put a damper on the Bucket list, but there was nothing I could do about it. There was just no way in hell I was about to put a bikini on and strut around the beach. Trust me, I wish I could’ve been amongst the drunken idiots riding around on decorated bikes dowsed in red, white, and blue-S-A accessories, but I just didn’t get there with my confidence. Granted I had to work at Yoga Loft in the morning, and my students performed at 3, but I would have MADE time to show off a new bod had I actually put in the real effort more than 3 days prior. I don’t know what it is about getting in shape that is so difficult for me… it’s clear as day really: Don’t eat like shit, don’t eat so much, workout hard and with some variety… duh. I get it, but then why don’t I do it? I come closest with the working out part. I run 2-3 times a week, I dance twice a week, and I do yoga 4-5 times a week. And now Anne even has me doing a stairs regimen in addition to all that! Most of my problems lie in the consumption… which sucks. I’m really hoping that I can figure out a way to change the way I think about food and meals, because right now, I’m doing everything ALL wrong. And I drink too much to boot. I think it’s safe to say that I’m not quite an alcoholic (purely based on the fact that I can acknowledge my alcohol consumption and not deny it), but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn't take it easy a little bit. It’s not completely my fault though… if the cute guy I have a crush on didn’t work at a bar and serve me free beers, I wouldn’t drink half as much as I do… ok a third. This situation should subside though as I have sufficiently stalked my bcbf (brew co. boyfriend) and found out that my bcbf has a bcgf… yes that’s right. He’s taken… he called me a cougar, and he’s taken. Double whammy. I’m out.

Let us reflect on the bright side of the Fourth. I had a great time at our little traditional picnic at Rec Park. Great seats, a bunch of people showed up, and the fireworks were great as always! So even though I didn’t complete #19, I had a pretty good Fourth of July…

Now I have a problem though (comments/suggestions welcome): I don’t know if I should replace #19 on the 30-Bucket with a new goal so that I still have a total of 30 things in the end… or should I accept defeat, take the lose, and consider my 30-bucket incomplete in the end because #19 was a failure. Thoughts? I don’t know what to do…

Bored

Day: 326

Goal: Understanding the need to constantly be working

I’m always “exhausted”… I’m always “coming home from work” and feeling like I need a vacation, but then I never take one, and when I do, it’s always an active vacation that leaves me feeling like I need another vacation. I’m not trying to make myself out to be a martyr, but what is with my obsession with work?

I was recently having just a harmless conversation with the bartender at Brew Co. that I call my “boyfriend”… we were chatting about why I had had a rough day. I told him on top of some other mentally taxing issues, I was just working a lot. He said, “Why?” and without even thinking I said, “I think it’s a defense mechanism.” And then I was shocked… how could it be that simple, but yet so profound? Did I really just solve the mystery of why I work so much? Why I constantly feel the need to fill every minute of everyday with “something”? Why I can’t say no to requests? I was so happy with my answer that it took me a minute to realize that maybe it wasn’t as clear as I thought. I think I was kind of caught up in the fact that I had a good answer, without actually understanding what that meant. Why would I create such a defense? What do I have to be defensive about that can be warded off by a ton of work? Is it because I’m feeling alone? I constantly refer to myself as tragically single… but I’m not single because I want to be! Is it because I’m scared to be bored? That is definitely not it… I would love to be bored for even just a few hours! I’m not even sure I know what it feels like to be bored…

Bored: (adj) tired and impatient; tired of and slightly annoyed by a person or situation that is not interesting, exciting, or entertaining.

AH-HA!!! I got it!! The definition says it all! I’m not scared of being bored… I AM BORED!!! I’m “tired” and “impatient”… I’m “annoyed” with everything about my life! It makes sense… I do work because I think I’m bored, so I overwhelm myself with tons of stuff thinking it will make me NOT bored… I’m not on the defense, I’m on the offense!!... but it’s all this work that’s making me bored… right? Wait…

Right?

I can’t decide if this is a good answer. If it is, does this mean that in order to not be “bored” I actually need to do less? Or at least do something that doesn’t make me tired or something new exciting?

I think this is going to be one of those on-going mysteries for a while… I think I’m getting closer to understanding my twisted head, but I’m still just exploring the possibilities. I’ll get there eventually. Baby steps.

Stand Up Paddleboarding!

Day: 327

Goal: Enjoying a new challenge…


Last month I was successful in completing Bucket List #5! On May 15th I tried Stand-Up Paddle Boarding!! (holding for applause… applause… applause…) I really have Leslie to thank for it because when she read it on my list back in April, she was immediately on the war-path to making it happen ASAP… mostly for her own selfish desire to try it then for the benefit of my bucket list, but regardless, it got us movin’ on doing the research for it and setting up the date. It turned out that one of the owners of Yoga Loft (the little yoga studio I work at) is a SUP stud and was trying to promote his little side business of SUP lessons. Well we immediately jumped on that opportunity and got really excited and pumped up doing all kinds of reading on the subject and renting our wet-suits… it was seeming like this was going to be such an exciting adventure up until the morning of the event. Suddenly the idea of jumping into the freezing cold, murky, rough pacific seemed like a bad idea. Had I forgotten all about the fact that I have a very abrasive love-hate relationship with the ocean? I get violently sea-sick and sea creatures and I would have a war of epic proportions if we ever crossed paths… I would mother-f**king ninja chop a jelly fish if it got near me! So now I’m in my little apartment a few blocks from where I would embark on the “adventure” and I’m really thinking of reconsidering. I thought about it though, and figured, more than anything, I did want to let Leslie down… so I walked down to meet up with our little SUP group only to find that Leslie looked a little uncertain too! Sheesh!

Here’s the good news. Fred, our SUP instructor, was super rad. Total beach rat, ex-lifeguard, world adventurer, super-dad extraordinaire. He was totally supportive and understanding of our concerns and was great! Best part about him: When we were gearing up, why did he strap a diving knife around his waist!? I was like, “Hell YES! Take that, crazy ass Jellies and Sharks… but mostly sharks!” I felt immediately better about the sea creature part.

Leslie, went first and was totally awesome! She totally got the hang of it right away and looked like a pro… sort of. I have to say that there were times that she would go flying off the board like a spaz and Myra and I almost dies laughing… but hey, at least we were having fun! I went next and I was surprised at how warm the wet-suit actually kept me. I wasn’t cold at all! After spending a few (very few) minutes learning the basics near the shore with Fred, we hit the waves (large tubes of water rushing at the shore) to get out past the break (the area that is semi-calm before the waves start forming). This was the hardest part. I felt like we were swimming forever, not to mention that the largest board know to man is strapped to my ankle. No joke, this thing is 8 feet long and 2.5 feet wide, and is a beast to maneuver! Finally we got out to the break and I got to spend about 30 minutes trying my knack at SUP-ing. It was exhausting to get back on every time I fell off, but I started to get the hang of keeping my balance when I was up. The core workout was awesome and definitely part of what I could really see as appealing about the sport, but about 20 minutes in the more obvious problem began to take over… I was getting sea-sick (very sad face). I half-expected it, but not so soon. I think it was just the rolling nature of the break area, and for most of the time I spent sitting on the board you’re just out there bobbing around. It sucked! I was so disappointed that this was going to have to end really fast if I didn’t want to attract a pack of dolphins that I was sure to lear our way with the amount of puking I would inevitably do in about…. (three…two…one…), “Fred!!! We need to go back in… NOW!” I yelled. I felt bad because I think he thought at first that I wasn’t having fun or that I was scared. I explained quickly that this could get ugly pretty fast, and he in turn said the same for the fact that we just had to jump on the boards and ride the gauntlet in! Yikes… that was intense! Totally got destroyed coming in, but nothing beats the feeling of solid land for a person that gets severely sea-sick. It’s Heaven!

Our little instructor Fred!

In the long run, I had a lot of fun and I’m really glad I tried it! I would totally do it again under these conditions: 1) It’s sunny out... it seems like the gloomy weather adds to the psyche and under nicer circumstances, things would feel “brighter”; 2) I didn’t have to wear a life vest… did I mention that? Well we did, and I get why… he doesn’t know how we swim so he was just being safe… but ugh! That did not help when you’re trying to hoist yourself back up the board everytime; 3) I took just one Dramamine, wore my bracelets, or got the patch for motion sickness. I would rather be a little more tired after then feel that feeling… it’s just awful!
Anyway, overall really excited to be able to check off another 30 bucket list item!

#5…check!

Good thoughts, good talk, good Tuesday!

Day: 332

Goal: Enjoy a fresh start to the week… Especially since my Monday is a Tuesday!

So, I have to say I got some great feedback from the “Catch-up” blog. Thank you everyone for your support, enthusiasm, and suggestions. I got some really good thoughts from people about a new number #21 (for those of you that didn’t get to read about it yet, my neighbors have moved and I can no longer “get to know them” as I was hoping to have accomplished for my 30 bucket). Here are some of the suggestions as replacements for the current #21:

1. Choreograph and autobiographical piece

2. Go to a concert I’ve been meaning to

3. Learn a second language

4. Just be happy with whatever the outcome of the 30 Bucket is…

I think one of these four could definitely have potential for the 30 Bucket, but I’d love to hear any more thoughts or suggests before I make anything final. I’ll give it until Friday.

Glee was fantastic tonight! My little Kasey was sick so I made a ridiculous garlic dinner to help… Leslie was amazed. I don’t think she knew about my culinary expertise… well, I showed her how it’s done in old Italia!

Got a chance to talk to Sean recently. Sometimes we go too few and far between. Surprisingly he brought up his brother’s wedding… Now this is a really long story, which I don’t want to get into in this blog, because really it’s no ones business, but let me just say that my relationship with Sean’s family has not been great in the past few years. The situation has brought me a lot of pain and the fact the Sean and I have been able to remain friends through everything that’s happened is a true testament to what an amazing person he is. Anyway, we never talk about the situation, and we have yet to talk about the fact that his brother is getting married this weekend… until the other day. It was actually really nice that he took the time to ask me how I was feeling about it since it has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I know he understands both sides to the situation and really can offer a neutral ear to talk to. He’s amazingly appreciative of my views and honestly compassionate. It was a good talk that I needed to have. I might have driven myself a little crazy with thoughts this week had he not thought to ask me how I was doing… Anyway, I’m sure this makes zero-to-no sense to 99% of my followers, so I digress. Point is: My friend Sean is a good friend (especially when he’s not trying to act too sexy for the ladies *wink*).