Fourth of July (Wah-Wah)

Day: 325

Goal: Reflection Sunday and Happy Fourth of July

Let’s get right to the point people… I know what you’re all thinking about:

(as seen on my 30 Bucket)

19. Participate in July 4^th shenanigans… in a bikini

Ok this could be awkward if I don’t get a jump start on #8 soon! I haven’t gone out for Fourth of July festivities in years because I’m just not confident in my skin. I’m embarrassed to even wear shorts right now and it really sucks because I know how much fun everyone is always having at the beach. Granted, I make fun of the stupid girls who wear red, white, and blue bikinis, ride bikes with flags on the handlebars, and do beer bongs outside of strand parties, but none-the-less, while I’m still in my twenties I’d like to try to have that kind of confidence one more time.

No dice. Close, but no cigar. You win some, you lose some. Not over my dead body…. All apply really. There was just no way that #19 was going to happen. I hope that this doesn’t put a damper on the Bucket list, but there was nothing I could do about it. There was just no way in hell I was about to put a bikini on and strut around the beach. Trust me, I wish I could’ve been amongst the drunken idiots riding around on decorated bikes dowsed in red, white, and blue-S-A accessories, but I just didn’t get there with my confidence. Granted I had to work at Yoga Loft in the morning, and my students performed at 3, but I would have MADE time to show off a new bod had I actually put in the real effort more than 3 days prior. I don’t know what it is about getting in shape that is so difficult for me… it’s clear as day really: Don’t eat like shit, don’t eat so much, workout hard and with some variety… duh. I get it, but then why don’t I do it? I come closest with the working out part. I run 2-3 times a week, I dance twice a week, and I do yoga 4-5 times a week. And now Anne even has me doing a stairs regimen in addition to all that! Most of my problems lie in the consumption… which sucks. I’m really hoping that I can figure out a way to change the way I think about food and meals, because right now, I’m doing everything ALL wrong. And I drink too much to boot. I think it’s safe to say that I’m not quite an alcoholic (purely based on the fact that I can acknowledge my alcohol consumption and not deny it), but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn't take it easy a little bit. It’s not completely my fault though… if the cute guy I have a crush on didn’t work at a bar and serve me free beers, I wouldn’t drink half as much as I do… ok a third. This situation should subside though as I have sufficiently stalked my bcbf (brew co. boyfriend) and found out that my bcbf has a bcgf… yes that’s right. He’s taken… he called me a cougar, and he’s taken. Double whammy. I’m out.

Let us reflect on the bright side of the Fourth. I had a great time at our little traditional picnic at Rec Park. Great seats, a bunch of people showed up, and the fireworks were great as always! So even though I didn’t complete #19, I had a pretty good Fourth of July…

Now I have a problem though (comments/suggestions welcome): I don’t know if I should replace #19 on the 30-Bucket with a new goal so that I still have a total of 30 things in the end… or should I accept defeat, take the lose, and consider my 30-bucket incomplete in the end because #19 was a failure. Thoughts? I don’t know what to do…

Good thoughts, good talk, good Tuesday!

Day: 332

Goal: Enjoy a fresh start to the week… Especially since my Monday is a Tuesday!

So, I have to say I got some great feedback from the “Catch-up” blog. Thank you everyone for your support, enthusiasm, and suggestions. I got some really good thoughts from people about a new number #21 (for those of you that didn’t get to read about it yet, my neighbors have moved and I can no longer “get to know them” as I was hoping to have accomplished for my 30 bucket). Here are some of the suggestions as replacements for the current #21:

1. Choreograph and autobiographical piece

2. Go to a concert I’ve been meaning to

3. Learn a second language

4. Just be happy with whatever the outcome of the 30 Bucket is…

I think one of these four could definitely have potential for the 30 Bucket, but I’d love to hear any more thoughts or suggests before I make anything final. I’ll give it until Friday.

Glee was fantastic tonight! My little Kasey was sick so I made a ridiculous garlic dinner to help… Leslie was amazed. I don’t think she knew about my culinary expertise… well, I showed her how it’s done in old Italia!

Got a chance to talk to Sean recently. Sometimes we go too few and far between. Surprisingly he brought up his brother’s wedding… Now this is a really long story, which I don’t want to get into in this blog, because really it’s no ones business, but let me just say that my relationship with Sean’s family has not been great in the past few years. The situation has brought me a lot of pain and the fact the Sean and I have been able to remain friends through everything that’s happened is a true testament to what an amazing person he is. Anyway, we never talk about the situation, and we have yet to talk about the fact that his brother is getting married this weekend… until the other day. It was actually really nice that he took the time to ask me how I was feeling about it since it has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I know he understands both sides to the situation and really can offer a neutral ear to talk to. He’s amazingly appreciative of my views and honestly compassionate. It was a good talk that I needed to have. I might have driven myself a little crazy with thoughts this week had he not thought to ask me how I was doing… Anyway, I’m sure this makes zero-to-no sense to 99% of my followers, so I digress. Point is: My friend Sean is a good friend (especially when he’s not trying to act too sexy for the ladies *wink*).

Stagecoach 2010

Day: 350, 349, and 348

Goal: Just relax and let it go… country!

So one of my camp besties, Amy, bought me and some other camp peeps tickets to Stagecoach, the two day country music festival in Indio. Now those of you that know me may be thinking, “Tiffany likes country music?” And that is a valid question. But those of you that really KNOW me, know that I’m not apposed to a good time… I love music you can dance to, I love people with the gift of song, I love BBQ’d meat (although having to type that just grossed me out a little bit), I love beer, and who DOESN’T love a good old-fashioned polite country-lovin’ cowboy?? (Especially when you throw in the California desert and force them to take their shirts off… yum)

Anyway, we got out to Palm Desert on Friday night and just chilled in the hotel room (that was the bane of my existence for an entire week… don’t ask, it’s over, that’s all that matters). We got some good sleep and the next morning got out to Stagecoach around noon. As we were locking up the car in the parking lot, I suggested that we crash one the tailgates going on. The group was hesitant, but as we strolled towards the venue past one of the friendlier looking parties, I said, “Hell yay! You guys know how to do it right!”…. and a friendship was born. We met Cory, Amber, Amy, Cole, Michelle, and a bunch of other people whose names I can’t remember right now, and they were awesome! They were so sweet and really did have a great set-up… does it compare to a Maisonet family New York tailgate at Giants stadium?… No, but I have to give them credit… it was really good.

The festival was really cool. Way beyond my expectations. I’m not really sure what I was expecting, but it was way nicer. I guess I thought people would be more rowdy and crazy, and while there were some crazies out there, it was mostly a mixed bag of families, young adults, and hardcore cowboys. The venue itself was enormous. It felt like a day at Disneyland each day… a ton of walking around, eating too much and too often, and not drinking nearly enough water… especially relative to the temperature and what else we were drinking *wink*

One thing I love about hanging out with the people I was with is that I really don’t feel at all insecure the way I do sometimes around other people. Not that my other friends make me insecure necessarily, and not that these friends necessarily make me feel super confident, but it’s just a feeling of comfort that’s different I guess. Maybe because the majority of time I spend with these guys is camping on an island with hundreds of kids acting crazy and focusing on the mission of our charity and not on ourselves at all. It does make a difference I think. When I stop trying to impress anyone, and just hang out for the sake of being with beautiful people loving life, I find that the insecurities melt away. It’s not a perfect science though… even when I’m in the best of places mentally like I was this weekend, I find time to get in my own head and dwell on that fact that I’m behind on life… and I hate being alone.

So in addition to a lot of really great entertainment, I discovered that I love Sugarland. They were awesome!! I also discovered that running into people you weren’t expecting to never gets less awkward, hot guys look hotter when they’re dressed like cowboys, nice people do exist (and they tailgate!!), no matter how many times you roll your eyes some people just… are who they are, no more than two fish tacos should be consumed in a 24 hour period, people who love country music also love America… a lot, port-o-potties are cleaned out by a man with a really long hose that’s hooked up to a huge truck that sucks it out of the hole and carries it off to who-knows-where, Keith Urban is just as hot in person as he is in pictures, the California State lottery is suppose to go towards education, but has been redirected to “other places” for years, power half-hour is proven to be the best buzz two times over, I enjoy wearing a cowboy hat, boys play words with friends when they have to go #2, and nothing feels better after a long weekend then coming home to your own bed… ok that’s not something I discovered this trip, I’ve known that forever, but it’s worth rediscovering every time.

Glee-tastic!!

Day: 353

Goal: Gleeeeee!!!!

Ok so even during the toughest of weeks, I know I can count on Tuesday’s to deliver my favorite show and my favorite past time… Glee with the girls! I love to make dinner, have friends over, and watch Glee. I’m totally a “Gleek”, I’m addicted to this show, and most importantly, I love the mental release this night gives me. I’m allowed a (small) window of time that I can totally let my brain go into neutral, eat a hot meal, drink a glass of wine or two (or four), and just sit back and giggle like a kid… well a kid that understands adult humor…

Regardless, however, of the fact that I know that I have Glee to look forward to throughout the day, I still can manage to have a miserable day at work. There is just so much pressure right now at work to get data out and I just feel like there is a lot working against me here. For one, I’ve been doing the same experiment for one of projects for two months straight… seriously twice a week for the past 8 weeks I’ve been doing the exact same experiment over and over and over again… I honestly can not explain to you why research scientist do not take a hint when things go this way, but we don’t… for some reason we have a death wish when it comes to not getting the answer we want… we proceed to call it “inconclusive data” and “try again”. It really is sort of ridiculous, especially when you have the sort of OCD that I have about doing things right the first time. I very rarely mess-up on experiments and when I do, I know exactly what it is I did wrong, and I go back and fix it. Anyway, this on-going problem with this experiment is making me a little bit insane and has literally put the rest of my work on the back burner… except NOT!! Here’s the REAL problem people… I still have to get other shit done in the midst of the other crap going wrong!! How does one build confidence to embark on new endeavors, when you’re faced with such defeat on your current path?... well???

*sigh* At least during all this doubt, on Tuesday’s anyway, I get to go home to an amazing night of Glee! Thank goodness! It’s good for the soul… good friends, good food, a reason to clean up around my house, a glass of wine (e-ven), and the priceless time that my mind does not have to think work, choreography, work, money, work, tickets, work, bills, work, laundry, and work.