December Reflection

Day: 116 (that’s 116 days until my 30th birthday)

Goal: Get back to me

December is a great time for self-reflection. It’s the season to think of the year that has gone by (usually too fast) and come to some conclusions. Sometimes the conclusions I come to in December are a mixed bag. Happy about something’s accomplished in the past year, and not so happy with others. More than anything in December I get that overwhelming feeling that time just goes way too fast! Does time only fly when you’re having fun? Because it seems like time flies regardless. Time doesn’t give a shit what you do with it… it’s flyin with or without you.

A prime example of time getting away from me is this blog. I haven’t written anything in almost five months! I wish I had a good excuse, or that I could turn back the time just a little bit to get caught up on all of the little moments I promised myself I would write down, but I can’t… as hard as I try. I can, however, do my best to catch up with the time I have left.

I started this blog back in April to document my attempt to complete a bucket list of the 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 30. So far I’ve completed 6 things on the list, I have 5 in progress, and 3-4 that have been planned, but have not happened yet. That leaves 15 that haven’t been touched yet! Yikes! I know there are at least two that won’t/didn’t happen: #8 - July 4th in a bikini (believe me, no one needed to experience that), and #30 – blog everyday…. Oh well. Two friends gave me some good advice about these points from the very beginning. Heather said, “You have a whole year of being 30! Just give yourself a little bit of your ‘30’ to get some done”. And Amber said, “You really should replace #30 with ‘Be happy with however I end up with this list… finished or not”. Great advice from two smart ladies!

So I’m trying to get back on track a little bit. Starting with writing again. I forget how much I really love writing sometimes. It’s a great way to relieve stress, get things off my mind and in front of me. Heavy thoughts that sit on top of your head can give you really bad neck pain… pulling them out in front of me can really take the weight off and make things so much more clear. There is something to be said about December and an annual reflection. A time to close unnecessary doors, and open new ones. A time to finish a chapter, and start a new one. Make resolutions, promises to yourself, start fresh, breath new breathe into my goals and the future.

A poem of self reflection that has helped me a ton in the past few months…

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Vacation Part Two and Three

Day: 323

Goal: Make the vacation feeling last

Similar (although not as intense) to the feeling of coming home from camp, coming home from vacation always makes me feel a little renewed. Soul cleansing… check. R&R… check. Over consumption of carbs and alcohols… double check. The problem always becomes how to make these great feeling last once you come home. I want to jump right into life refreshed and willing when I get home, but instead I always find myself just a little bit behind. Like I left half of me on vacation still. Suitcase… half unpacked. Makeup… nah. Work… not-so-much. Mentally I want to be in the right place, but I think I’m still physically lying on a the beach in South Carolina.

Part two of my vacation was so awesome! I absolutely love the new tradition of traveling to our Myrtle Beach condo with my cousins and just being completely worthless! Best. Feeling. Ever. I didn’t bring my computer… big step for me, although I do have an iPhone, so it’s kind of the same… but I was able to feel somewhat released from work and Facebook. We spent everyday at the beach for hours… just soaking up the beautiful sun. I needed the Vitamin D sooo bad! It felt so good to just get completely roasted and sandy and salty and sweat… and just not care at all. And nothing is more therapeutic than building a sand castle. Slightly more physically involved than I remember it being when I was 8, but still mindless and organic in the best way.

One night we went out to a dueling piano bar… so awesome! We had such a blast, and Sarah and Matt definitely got to celebrate their anniversary in a “special” way. We also went back and visited our friend at Margaritaville… sadly he fell in love with a different girl last summer and is not moving to NY. But who knows, maybe we’ll run into him up there someday. We also did a repeat performance at the Myrtle Beach Pelican game. Classic fun as always! The best part was definitely the sweet suite that we got hooked up with again! So much fun to act like high-rollers! All-in-all it was another fantastic trip with the gang. It really has become a tradition that will last for a long time! Good news is, none of us are expecting any rug-rats anytime soon to ruin the fun!

Part three of my vacation was the perfect ending to a great trip! I got to go up and spend a little time with pops. The trip was super short, but great none-the-less. We took in some Yankees (first time at the new stadium) and just enjoyed each others company!

So while I’m glad to be home (because it always feels good to come home from a trip), I can’t seem to get the vacation feeling to last in the right way. I think I’m a little backwards right now… I need to be in the mind at the beach, body working hard mode… sadly not the case right now.

Just want to end with a big huge shout out to all the amazing family that shared my vacation with me!! Love you all sooo much!

Keep Breathing

Day: 328

Goal: Start down the long road to getting… CAUGHT UP!

Ok, so let’s just take a moment of silence for a couple of things… 1) My Blog: It suffered terribly in the last month due to an overwhelming schedule and lack of sleep of it’s writer; and 2) Team USA, as they have been eliminated from the world cup… a tragic loss.

I can not believe how long it’s been since I wrote. It’s absolutely embarrassing. More than anything, I feel so bad because there are actually a few (very few) people out there that were actually reading my blog…. And I feel like I’ve let them down. I am so glad there are people that are interested in my crazy life and I really hope that my lack of posts of late will not completely discourage people from reading…. Because I’m BACK! And here to STAY! It was just a lot at once in the past few weeks and it took a lot out of me mentally, but I think I needed the crazy as a wake up call and to remind myself what I view as the big picture.

So I know it seems silly to recap every single day that I’ve missed, but it is something I need to do for my own personal OCD. One of the goals on my list (#30 actually), is to write about everyday of this adventure, and so I really feel like I need to recap even though I missed those days technically. It will satisfy the bucket item in my opinion… hope you can understand, hang in there, and maybe even find some joy in reliving the last month with me.

I’d like to start by posting a song that I think I’ve been listening to everyday, all-day, for the past few weeks. I don’t know why, but for so many reasons it touches me so deeply. It has inspired me in the studio and really helps me find a little bit of clarity in my cloudy life… it’s helped me gain perspective to what is really important in life, particularly when I feel like whining about things that are actually quite trivial. Will this song keep me from complaining, dragging, worrying, and feeling like life is really hard for me sometimes?? No, probably not, but it will help...