Fourth of July (Wah-Wah)

Day: 325

Goal: Reflection Sunday and Happy Fourth of July

Let’s get right to the point people… I know what you’re all thinking about:

(as seen on my 30 Bucket)

19. Participate in July 4^th shenanigans… in a bikini

Ok this could be awkward if I don’t get a jump start on #8 soon! I haven’t gone out for Fourth of July festivities in years because I’m just not confident in my skin. I’m embarrassed to even wear shorts right now and it really sucks because I know how much fun everyone is always having at the beach. Granted, I make fun of the stupid girls who wear red, white, and blue bikinis, ride bikes with flags on the handlebars, and do beer bongs outside of strand parties, but none-the-less, while I’m still in my twenties I’d like to try to have that kind of confidence one more time.

No dice. Close, but no cigar. You win some, you lose some. Not over my dead body…. All apply really. There was just no way that #19 was going to happen. I hope that this doesn’t put a damper on the Bucket list, but there was nothing I could do about it. There was just no way in hell I was about to put a bikini on and strut around the beach. Trust me, I wish I could’ve been amongst the drunken idiots riding around on decorated bikes dowsed in red, white, and blue-S-A accessories, but I just didn’t get there with my confidence. Granted I had to work at Yoga Loft in the morning, and my students performed at 3, but I would have MADE time to show off a new bod had I actually put in the real effort more than 3 days prior. I don’t know what it is about getting in shape that is so difficult for me… it’s clear as day really: Don’t eat like shit, don’t eat so much, workout hard and with some variety… duh. I get it, but then why don’t I do it? I come closest with the working out part. I run 2-3 times a week, I dance twice a week, and I do yoga 4-5 times a week. And now Anne even has me doing a stairs regimen in addition to all that! Most of my problems lie in the consumption… which sucks. I’m really hoping that I can figure out a way to change the way I think about food and meals, because right now, I’m doing everything ALL wrong. And I drink too much to boot. I think it’s safe to say that I’m not quite an alcoholic (purely based on the fact that I can acknowledge my alcohol consumption and not deny it), but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn't take it easy a little bit. It’s not completely my fault though… if the cute guy I have a crush on didn’t work at a bar and serve me free beers, I wouldn’t drink half as much as I do… ok a third. This situation should subside though as I have sufficiently stalked my bcbf (brew co. boyfriend) and found out that my bcbf has a bcgf… yes that’s right. He’s taken… he called me a cougar, and he’s taken. Double whammy. I’m out.

Let us reflect on the bright side of the Fourth. I had a great time at our little traditional picnic at Rec Park. Great seats, a bunch of people showed up, and the fireworks were great as always! So even though I didn’t complete #19, I had a pretty good Fourth of July…

Now I have a problem though (comments/suggestions welcome): I don’t know if I should replace #19 on the 30-Bucket with a new goal so that I still have a total of 30 things in the end… or should I accept defeat, take the lose, and consider my 30-bucket incomplete in the end because #19 was a failure. Thoughts? I don’t know what to do…