Number 21

Day: 329

Goal: Just relax and get ready for a FULL weekend…

So I’m going to make a decision on my new #21 for my 30 Bucket…

For those of you that don’t know (or remember), I need to find a new #21 because my neighbors moved out, and I don’t foresee any new neighbors for a while… P.S. if you’re looking for a 3.5 bed 2 bth house with unobstructed ocean views in downtown Manhattan let me know. Oh, but, by the by, it’s $5,000.00/month. Snap!

Anyway, as of this week my top three options for a new #21 are as follows:

1. Go to a concert.
2. Create an autobiographical piece (dancing).
3. Be satisfied with the outcome of the 30-Bucket no matter what.

So once I narrowed it down to these three, it was actually super easy for me to decide. While (3), being satisfied with the 30-Bucket, is a valid point, I had to think about it, and came to the conclusion that I think this goes without saying. I will be completely happy no matter what the outcome is of this crazy endeavor! As for (1), going to a concert, I think I would definitely like to do this in the next year… problem with this as a 30-Bucket member, is that I would like to go to many many many more concerts in my life… I just don’t think it’s one of those things that is limited to the younger crowd. But, who knows, in 10 years I may be plugging my ears behind my daughter at the second coming of Hannah Montana. So, that leaves me with (2) creating an autobiographical dance piece. It kind of might seem silly, but it has appeal for the 30-Bucket 3 fold: 1) It’s doable… a lot of things on my list are going to be so challenging that its nice to find something that is a no-brainer; 2) In a couple of years, I don’t know how much I’m really going to be dancing myself… I’d love to, but there are days already that I try to kick my leg to the place it used to happily go when I was 19, and my hips just simply laugh in my face (aka, I’m subjected to excruciating pain, and end up spending hours at a time in the bath tub); 3) It’s such a good idea, that I wish I had come up with it first. Granted, I’m not some well-established choreographer that people are “waiting” to see me do something autobiographical, but it probably will be so liberating to just express how I’m personally feeling right now in the best way I know how. It’s not necessarily a time-less piece, but it is a perfect way to express myself pre-30… an excellent addition to the 30 Bucket!

Reflection Sunday... is a little foggy

Day: 355

Goal: Retrieve. Brain. From. Sewer.

Oh my. As much as I hate to admit it (As I am STILL in my 20s), I don’t go “big” very often. Last night was an exception! Totally got all dressed up and went to the black tie charity event for Camp del Corazon. It was so fun. I love to hang with my friends from the charity, but getting to do so in such a fashionable, classy, open-bar kind of way, makes it so…. Special. Another great event for some amazingly deserving kids!

Speaking of kids, how bratty am I that while I’m getting ready for the event last night I was so defeated by my short hair? I chopped 10 inches of hair off a few weeks ago in order to make a donation to Locks of Love, and while the new doo is super stylish and more than healthy, it’s just one of those things I’ve never been the most comfortable with: short hair. I tried to make it a bold endeavor and had Kell cut bangs as well, which everyone seems to like, but I just suck at hair in general, so I’m constantly uncomfortable and at a lose of what to do with the doo. Needless to say, I think I’m already on the path to growing it long again. Oh well, at least some kid will get good use out of the hair that I bitched about for years and now desperately now that it’s gone… *sigh*

I think it’s slightly a miracle that I can type today… I was quite the wine enthusiast last night and got up way to early this morning to be a yogi, BUT tonight at xpress I had one of those rare “comebacks” and totally killed! The kids helped so much, but I think this season of Xpress is going to end on a high note! (This of course does not make #20 easy… at all). I’ve been think lately about how freaking talented these kids are. They have so much potential to do great things in their future and I really hope that in some way I contributed to that. They have made me the teacher I am, and somehow I feel like I’ve learned so much from them… They are so beautiful and I don’t think that my life would be the same without their crazy antics every week. I wish that I could make my living by dancing with them all the time…

Endless Tank or Running on Empty?

Day: 359

Goal: Make the pain go away!

Ok, so yesterday was one of those rare days when I have a bit of a low point. It could have been worse, in fact it has been worse before, and it will be worse eventually again, but usually it’s a 1-2 day thing and I can recover stronger and more motivated…. Alas, it’s a 2 day low point on this occasion. It’s just been a rough week.

“Real” work has been a nightmare… it’s been a nightmare for a little while now, but during conference season it’s especially nightmare-ish. Don’t know if I’ve mentioned what I do for a real living, but in case you don’t know, I’m a scientist by day. My title is: Neonatal Research Associate. I work in Neonatology at UCLA studying why our littlest babies are so sick. I could go on and on about this topic, but I’ll spare you the details and just say that while it’s great that technology and advancements in medicine are allowing us to keep even the tiniest preemies alive, these little guys come with a lot more problems that can last them their whole lives. I dare to ask the tough question: At what cost are we saving lives? With the hope that I can help correct the problems that we create by saving them. It’s a pretty rad gig. Anyway, lately we’ve just had a lot on our plates in terms of many different studies happening concurrently, and very little man-power to do it all. Research is a cutthroat field in which, time is money, money equals results, and results take time… and its all race of who can get it done first because there is only so much money… it’s a vicious circle. Needless to say, my day job = nightmare right now.

Tonight we had rehearsal for “All Shook Up”. I was working on “Let Yourself Go” with some of my favorites J I get to do stuff a little sassier in this number so it was a nice release after a long day. Getting to work with some of my advanced dancers always gets me thinking about starting a dance company (30 Bucket #3). It would be so great to have artistic freedom. I would love love love to get this going sooner rather than later! My boss and I were suppose to have a meeting this week, which is now postponed until next week, but my hope is to be able to chat with her a little about whether or not she wants to be a part of making this happen. I’ve been talking to her about it for almost 2 years now, so hopefully she is ready to help me make this a reality! I think it would be a great NEW avenue for some of our kids and the company in general, so everyone think happy thoughts and good vibes that when we chat next week she’ll jump on board!

Lastly little note… I’m feeling like there is no relief in sight for my busy schedule. It feels like I will be working 8-day weeks for the next year at least and that’s a little scary. I have a couple of vacations planned and I guess I will just have to keep those active in my motivation to keep moving, but it is a little overwhelming to be going full speed ALL THE TIME. A part of me feels like I’m on an endless tank of gas, so it’s no big deal, but, at this point, if I get a flat tire… I’m screwed.

Things to look forward to:

CdC Gala, conference, Kasey’s graduation, Stagecoach, Yoga, Brew Co. boyfriend, payday.

The 30 Bucket "Draft" List

Day: 364

Goal: Create the “30 Bucket” – the list of 30 things I want to accomplish before I turn 30

So day 365 was awesome… I created a blog! So exciting!! AND I actually have 2 followers already. Maybe that’s not a lot in the blog world, but I was ecstatic to see their little faces there… well one face, and then one, what I can only assume is a, default picture of my friend Heather. (Heather, it’s not a very good likeness… just sayin’). Hopefully I can get some more followers soon… I think I grabbed the attention of some people on Facebook, so maybe it will catch on!

Recap: Yesterday I declared publically my frustration with turning 30 (next year, I just turned 29 two days ago…) I am bound and determined to turn this upcoming milestone into something positive and so I have decided to create a list of 30 things I want to accomplish before I turn 30. I have dubbed this my 30 Bucket, and hence a blog has been born to chronical the epic adventures of me actually attempting to do everything on the list… it should be entertaining to say the least!

So today I need to make the list. It’s going to be written in stone so I’m taking the selection process very seriously. I thought about a lot of things last night… How realistic is each goal on the list? How much will some of them cost (because I’m poor, and becoming and/or marrying a millionaire is not on the list… sadly)? Do they directly relate to turning 30, or are they things that I just want to accomplish in a lifetime? I don’t want to rush some of my lifetime goals, just because I want to get stuff on this list. The list should be of things that I don’t feel like I can do after I turn 30 maybe… or at least things that may be less socially acceptable for a “real” adult (hehe). And maybe also things that I’ve had on my “to-do” list for YEARS, but have kept putting off because somehow we’re lead to believe that we “have our whole lives ahead of us”… GIVE ME A BREAK! If I’ve learned anything from this life in my 29 years, it’s that life is so precious and often cut too short! There is no time like the now and we should live like there may not be a tomorrow… it’s really effing hard to do, but I think it’s so important to have no regrets going to bed each night, say what’s on your mind when it’s on your mind, and live life each day expecting nothing from the next. Ok… sorry… got a little carried away. Stepping off my soapbox now… The point is, coming up with a list of 30 goals for the next 365 days (oops!... 364 now. Actually 363.5 if you want to get serious here) is a huge commitment because I WILL be following through on every single item! Every. Single. One.

Get ready, the fun starts now…

And now for the list… Let me preface by saying that I really would love feedback on these. I want to know who out there thinks these are great goals or not so great… it may just add fuel to my fire if you’re negative, but hey! It’s all part of the adventure, so I appreciate anything that comes my way… Each item on the list will include a description of what is meant by the goal, so don’t just read the title… give it a chance by reading each description too (I realize this may take some time, but that’s what Friday nights are for, right?). I’m also going to give these 24 hours in the “draft” phase. I want to see how they settle in, feel ‘em out, get some instant feedback, and then tomorrow I will make any revisions and set them in STONE! Very exciting… Here’s the “draft” list: (enjoy!)

30-Bucket: “Draft” List

1. Start my non-profit philanthropic company

For a long time now I’ve been thinking about how my dream job would be to be a charity campaigner. Most of the time these people are extreme entrepreneurs and/or celebrities in some way. It’s not the most profitable to own a non-profit if you’re doing it right (hence the name I guess), so it’s left to the big-timers to start the ball rolling and get these little charities on their feet. I would love to be a big-timer and help many different charities (because there are so many I love and so many I think could use the love), so I think starting a Philanthropic company that raises money for charities would be so awesome… A charity for charities in a sense. Raising big money, to fund small, often overlooked, charities, non-profits, educational programs, community arts, and research.

2. Dance somewhere semi/professionally

I went to school for 5 years with the intent of being a professional dancer someday. I don’t regret that this is not the path I’ve chosen (particularly because I had no choice… my legs just wouldn’t grow longer!), but I would love to feel like something came from all that hard work. I know I’ve touched a lot of lives by teaching dance lessons, but I would love to feel a little self-satisfaction that I’ve still got it! This could be anything from dancing in a musical, or a dance company, or for a commercial, or movie extra, etc.

3. Produce at least one season of Xpressions

Xpressions is the dance company I’ve been talking about for years. Ever since Heather and I stopped dancing, I’ve told myself that I would start my own little young adult dance company… just a little group that would put on tri-annual shows. Even if it only lasts one season, I know that I could get some of my favorite people to come out of the woodworks for a reunion show… even you, Heather!

4. Finish the Twilight series of books

I started them with everyone else, but I’ve only gotten through Twilight, New Moon, and half of Eclipse. Now she’s got another one coming that comes after Breaking Dawn?? I need to get crackin’! This will be tough since I am in a book club as well, and I have trouble enough finishing those books every month!

5. Try stand-up paddle boarding

Plan and simple… I want to try this. Looks like so much fun. I hope I love it, because it would be a great way for me to get over my love/hate relationship with the ocean: Love to look at it… hate to be in it.

6. Do an “around the world” at Brew Co.

Brew Co. is a bar by my apartment (my “boyfriend works there… really cute bartender who doesn’t know I exist). They have something like 45 beers on tap… I want to do an “around the world”, IN ONE DAY, of every beer they have. It only has to be 3 oz. tasters of each, but that adds up to something like 11-12 beers in one day. That’s a lot for me… it could be a disaster waiting to happen.

7. Complete Yoga teacher training

I have absolutely fallen in love with yoga this year! I don’t necessarily want to pursue a career as a yoga instructor, but I would love to go through the training just to say that I did THAT MUCH yoga… and new the language!

8. Be a confident size 10

Let’s not even talk about what size I am right now, but rest assured it’s not a 10. In fact, this could be the hardest goal I will set, but it will likely feel the best to accomplish. *All natural methods will be used in the attempt to meet this goal

9. Finish all my thank you notes

I’ve had a list a mile long of thank you notes I’ve been meaning to write forEVER. It’s a sickness I have… I hate to write them, but yet I know I must! I will write all of my pending thank you notes, even to those people who probably can’t even remember why I might be thanking them, and also make sure I stay on top of any new thank you notes too!

10. Run the Bay to Breakers race in San Francisco

Ok so this could be tough sense my best friend’s graduation party is the night before, but I would really like to do this. If it’s not this race, I want to do another famous race… need suggestions here! I ran in two 10Ks last year and the sense of accomplishment is so amazing… I crave that feeling!

11. Complete a triathlon

The swimming is going to kill me, especially in the ocean, but I’m totally willing to train for this. Hoping I can convince a friend to train with me, because I really think that helps, but never the less, I think I’m aiming for the LA triathlon in September.

12. Do work for another country in need in that country

So many countries are in dire need of aid. The Red Cross, habitat for humanity, and countless missions are constantly taking volunteers to areas in countries which have faced disaster. I would love to go help one of these countries and their peoples… first step will be to renew my passport…ugh! A feat in of itself.

13. Dig up my ancestry

I know the line of my mom’s family pretty well (need some more info about who came from Sweden/Norway and whatnot), but I know little to nothing about the extended family of my dad. I think there is a lot I don’t know, but would love to learn, visit, see, hear, etc. I think I’m sensing another trip to Puerto Rico… sans terrible boyfriend this time.

14. Host an ANTM fashion shoot party as both a photographer and a model

This is silly, but I have to. I have an irrational obsession with America’s Next Top Model. I love love love the photo shoots they do and constantly fantasize about being involved in one! I want to host a fun party where all the girls get done up for a photo shoot and we take lots of fun pictures. I’ve also always wanted to play around with photography, so maybe on a separate occasion, I would love to get some of my friends together and just shoot some black and whites. Just for fun!

15. Learn to play a song on the ukulele

I can do this… it just gets me so frustrated every time I try because my brain can’t wrap around the concept AND my fingers can’t wrap around the ukulele! Ahhh!!! I will conquer that silly little instrument! Plus I want to be one of those cool eclectic people that brings their instrument on camping trips and entertains everyone around the fire.

16. Go to Vegas like the “good old days”

No kidding, we used to be crazy in Vegas. When I was 21-22, we would run that town! It was a blast. I might have to sleep for a week afterwards, but if it kills me, I’m going to do Vegas RIGHT at least one more time!

17. Get another tattoo

Meaning to get one on/around my wrist for awhile now. Maybe a “t” or my whole name, initials, mantra, or some crazy mixture of it all. Also would love to freshen up the ones I have.

18. Finish my book

Yes, I’m writing a book. I don’t care if it’s for me and me alone. I have been wanting to finish it for a long time… might have to couple this goal with #24.

19. Participate in July 4^th shenanigans… in a bikini

Ok this could be awkward if I don’t get a jump start on #8 soon! I haven’t gone out for Fourth of July festivities in years because I’m just not confident in my skin. I’m embarrassed to even wear shorts right now and it really sucks because I know how much fun everyone is always having at the beach. Granted, I make fun of the stupid girls who wear red, white, and blue bikinis, ride bikes with flags on the handlebars, and do beer bongs outside of strand parties, but none-the-less, while I’m still in my twenties I’d like to try to have that kind of confidence one more time.

20. Walk away from the musicals

I’ve worked for a childrens musical theater company for over 8 years! I love the kids and I love my boss there like she’s my family, but I think it’s time to walk away… for real. I’ve said it before and I have never had the courage to actually follow through with it, but I know that it’s not doing anything for me anymore… I’m not able to be creative in the way I want to be creative (like a dance company of the styles I love would allow me to be), it drains me of every cent I have in taxes every year, and I just can’t make the money seem worth it anymore. I would love to continue to teach contemporary there, or even start Xpressions through the company, but just no more productions… this is going to be really hard, and really sad. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

21. Get to know my neighbors

I’ve lived in my apartment for almost a year and I think I’ve talked to the boys that live up front maybe three or four times. They seem totally awesome! They have a work hard, play hard mentality, but I’m just shy for some reason. I can’t get the courage to knock on their door and say, “Hey! Wanna have a beer and watch the game together?” or “Hey! Can I cook you guys some dinner?” or “Hey! Are you guys doin’ anything cool tonight?”

22. Take a pole dancing class

Enough said. Wish me luck.

23. Pay off my credit card

It’s only about $1500, but it would feel really good not to have that on my shoulders anymore.

24. Take a vacation by myself

I would really like to get away somewhere semi-remote by myself. Just to do some reading, some writing, some sleeping, some sunbathing… just have a nice quite weekend to myself. If I grow some really balls, I may even turn off my phone!

25. Publish a paper

I’m a neonatal research associate (did I mention that…me: sexy scientist), and I’ve been working on about 6 projects for the past 3 years. Not ONE of them has been published yet, but I feel like this is the year! I’m so ready to get one of these papers OUT!!

26. Visit Disney World

One last time before I become a mommy (which will happen someday… I hope), I want to go be the little kid at Disney World. I took a competitive cheerleading squad to WDW 2 years in a row about 6 years ago. It was so awesome!! I would love to go back with some of the same friends and really do it up again… stay at the resort for 4-5 days and go to every park and just be a goofy kid!

27. Break 100 Golfing

I started golfing about 4 years ago and really got into it when I bought my first set of clubs… I was getting pretty good and then (after a break up) lost some momentum, and haven’t really golfed in a long time now. I would love to get back into it. Go to the range a couple times a week, improve my game, and try to break 100!

28. Visit my grandparents in Tampa

I’ve been saying over and over again that I need to be a better granddaughter and go visit the world’s greatest grandparents more often… MORE OFTEN!?? I haven’t been in 2 years! I have NO excuses… I just need to go spend some good time with them… they are the BEST, I have no good reason why it’s taking me so long!

29. Audition for “So You Think You Can Dance”

I love this show, I’m a dancer (I think) and it just makes my heart sing when I watch it. I would love to be able to just say that I tried. I don’t think I have what it takes to make the show, but since it’s technically my last year to be eligible, I just want to drag my sorry butt down there and give it all I’ve got. Plus I hope to be there supporting some of my students as they audition as well!

30. Finish the 30 Bucket blog having written something everyday

I can do this.